• Home
  • Mental Health
  • Depression
  • Meditation
  • Stress Disorders
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Illness
  • Contact Us
No Result
View All Result
Natural Element
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Depression
  • Meditation
  • Stress Disorders
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Illness
  • Contact Us
No Result
View All Result
Natural Element
No Result
View All Result

True Stories: A Wife’s Pain Over Her Husband’s Struggle With Depression During His First Year of Law School

July 31, 2022


“True Stories” is a new series of guest blogs I am running; this is the fourth in the series. Here is a heartfelt story from Katie, who writes about her husband’s struggles with depression during his first year of law school.

Three years ago, my husband became a first-year law student at a state school with an excellent reputation. After several years of waffling between pursuing medicine, law, military, and scientific research careers, he opted for law and was admitted to a number of schools, accepting his best offer. We relocated so that he could attend, moving from the sunny Southwest to the frigid winters of the Mid-Atlantic. He was excited at first, eager to begin a new chapter of his life, and enthusiastic to embark on a learning journey; he loves to read and study politics, economics, business, and law, and I felt that this endeavor would help him fulfill his potential both personally and professionally.

Shortly into the first year, I noticed my usually calm husband – laid-back almost to a fault – was frequently stressed. He constantly worried about understanding the material, completing his assignments, competing for grades, getting an internship, and getting a job upon graduating. Although this may seem natural for law students (1L’s in particular), it was a marked change in his personality that lasted for weeks on end, almost to the point of keeping him from being able to study, write, or prepare for his classes.

His friendly nature struggled with the intense sense of competition among the other students, and he was unable to form many friendships, leaving him feeling isolated and lonely. Furthermore, the mounting pressure to perform dominated his thoughts, paralyzing him and making him reach a point of hopelessness; he felt that even his best wasn’t good enough and that there was no point in continuing if he couldn’t get a good job at the end of it all.

The Loving, but Ignorant, Spouse

I tried to play the supportive spouse. To me, it seemed likely that many other students felt the same way as him but managed to focus more on the task at hand, not tying every tiny detail to future results. It even angered me that despite all the sacrifices we had both made for him to be able to return to school, he was risking it all because he refused to focus on anything but his potential for failure. I told him time and again that I was absolutely positive he would do just fine, that I wasn’t worried about his ability to succeed and get an excellent job, that his understanding of the material would mean more for his career than a grade on his transcript, and that his best efforts would surely serve him well. But my encouragement didn’t help.

In the past, my husband was an avid athlete. He still holds a state record for his high school swimming times, he trained himself to run a half marathon every weekend, and he completed the entire P90-X workout course. This all stopped when we moved and he started school, principally due to his lack of time. He snuck in a few workouts at the beginning of his first semester, but quickly traded exercise for sleep whenever he had a spare minute. His ambitious early morning study sessions from the start of the semester had disappeared by fall break, and as the sun went down earlier every night, so did he. He began sleeping as much as he possibly could – at times even falling asleep while studying or sleeping and skipping studying altogether.

My usually upbeat, happy husband started making off-the-cuff remarks about how worthless he was and how stupid he felt, even tossing out an occasional comment about shooting himself so I wouldn’t have to repay his school loans, followed by swift assurances that he was “just kidding.”

Getting Serious About Depression

Even though I am a trained public health professional and a Certified Health Education Specialist, the signs flew right by me. I just assumed he was having difficulty adjusting to life in a new state, unhappy about having to make new friends, and commit considerable effort to his degree. I missed the signs of depression that were staring me in the face every single day. To make matters worse, three visits he made to the student health center for check-ups and care for his asthma found nothing of concern.

I am ashamed to admit that several months passed wherein I did absolutely nothing, I suppose in a state of self-denial. I couldn’t convince myself that he was not right, not healthy, that something was seriously wrong despite the symptoms I tried to tiptoe around on a regular basis. A kindly older neighbor was good enough to give me a kick in the pants to help my husband get the help he needed.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked – no beating around the bush. “He’s changed – he used to be so bright and smiley, and now he just seems…unhealthy and sad. A sad, defeated man.”

I was dumbfounded, utterly shocked, and hurt by what was the clear truth. My husband was suffering, he was miserable and I had neglected him. I tearfully squeezed her hand and marched straight home to make an appointment with a counselor for him. He went the following week and, after a series of visits, tests, and consultations, was diagnosed with major depression. I was heartbroken and embarrassed at my failure to notice his cries for help earlier in the year, but I was relieved that he would be getting the help he needed.

Living With, and Healing From, Depression

I am happy to report that with exercise therapy and regular talk therapy, he has been able to manage his depression without medication, although he still has some terribly painful bad days. We are starting to see what we hope is the light at the end of the tunnel for him. He is still pursuing his degree, and although he won’t be at the top of his class when he graduates, he has come to realize that a life-long career is built on more than where you fall on the grading curve. He has rediscovered his passion for running, and his sunny disposition is again bringing joy to both of our lives.

I wanted to share this story with any lawyers and law students potentially suffering from depressive symptoms to let you know that sometimes the people who most want to help you are not totally aware of what is going on in your head. Whether you think your behavior makes your pain obvious or you think you are hiding your emotions successfully, your loved ones are probably waiting for a wake-up call to push them into action. Be open with them about your pain, anxiety, and especially any suicidal thoughts. Sometimes a few words about how serious your troubles are maybe the impetus for positive change – having a helpful friend to walk the long and difficult road with you can make it easier for you to get the help you need in a timely and effective manner.

For me, it took an old lady with a keen skill for observation to spur me into helping my husband get the treatment he needed; if you don’t think old Mrs. Wilson down the street will be doing the same for you, have a conversation with someone today about what you are experiencing, and let them know you don’t want to keep feeling that way. Help is available. You can get it, and a friend or family member will be happy to assist. Don’t wait – lawyers and law students are in unique positions to help others, and life is too short to spend time battling a mental disorder that steals your talents from you and the world. So go on, tell someone, and start feeling better soon.

Further Reading:

“Talking to Depression: Simple Ways to Connect When Someone in Your Life is Depressed” by Claudia Strauss

“Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can do to Preserve the Bond” by Ann Sheffield

“When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself” by Laura Epstein Rosen, Ph.D.

Families for Depression Awareness website

“Tips for Supporting Someone with Depression” – University of Michigan Depression Center website

Print Friendly, PDF & Email



Source_link

Share120Tweet75Share30

Related Posts

Depression

Informed consent for antidepressants | Drugs

February 1, 2023

Your article (Antidepressants can cause ‘emotional blunting’, study shows, 23 January) reports that antidepressants cause inability to experience positive feelings and difficulty achieving orgasm.This small study, involving 66 subjects, confirms my two international surveys, of 1,400 and 1,800 patients,...

Veteran & Military Mental Health Conditions — Talkspace
Depression

Veteran & Military Mental Health Conditions — Talkspace

January 31, 2023

Published on: 30 Jan 2023 During military service, service members are often exposed to violence, threats to personal safety, and other traumatic events. These experiences can significantly impact the mental health of active duty service members and veterans. According...

Depression

Antidepressants can cause ‘emotional blunting’, study shows | Depression

January 23, 2023

Widely used antidepressants cause “emotional blunting”, according to research that offers new insights into how the drugs may work and their possible side-effects.The study found that healthy volunteers became less responsive to positive and negative feedback after taking a...

‘Depression melted away’: Meet a N.B. man finding pure joy in dog sledding
Depression

‘Depression melted away’: Meet a N.B. man finding pure joy in dog sledding

January 20, 2023

A New Brunswick man who has battled depression for years has found joy in dog sledding.Doug Stoakley from Havelock, N.B., seems care-free when he’s around his 16 dogs, but there’s often a heaviness in his heart.“If it wasn’t for...

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Categories

  • Anxiety (441)
  • Depression (136)
  • Meditation (210)
  • Mental Health (428)
  • Mental Illness (384)
  • Sound Therapy (2)
  • Stress Disorders (246)

Popular

  • Stress Level Of Americans Is Rising Rapidly In 2022, New Study Finds

    Stress Level Of Americans Is Rising Rapidly In 2022, New Study Finds

    302 shares
    Share 121 Tweet 76
  • 4 signs of burnout in your teen– and how to help them through it

    302 shares
    Share 121 Tweet 76
  • How Stress Affects Your Vision

    302 shares
    Share 121 Tweet 76
  • Helpful Resources During Suicide Prevention Month 2022 – My Brain’s Not Broken

    301 shares
    Share 120 Tweet 75
  • The Covid Symptoms No One is Talking About, But You Need to Know, Say Experts — Eat This Not That

    301 shares
    Share 120 Tweet 75

  • Home
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions

Copyright © 2022 Naturalele.com | All Rights Reserved.

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • Mental Health
  • Depression
  • Meditation
  • Stress Disorders
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Illness
  • Contact Us
What Are Cookies
We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT