What is a midlife crisis for a woman
The midlife crisis. This is a period of emotional turmoil where a person struggles with identity and confidence, often making short career and lifestyle changes. It’s something we almost expect to happen with men between 40 to 60, but our culture isn’t so accepting when it comes to women.
In this blog, I’m discussing why it’s important to understand and support women’s midlife crisis (with examples from my new favorite TV show).
Fleishman Is In Trouble highlights the midlife crisis from a female perspective. The series opens with Manhattan native Toby Fleishman waking up to a living nightmare. He is newly divorced, angry, and confused. His ex, Rachel, dropped their kids off at his home in the middle of the night and ran off to join a yoga retreat for the wealthy. She won’t reply to texts from him or their kids and has no plans to return.
I felt resentment toward Rachel with each episode. “I would never do something like that,” I thought.
As my resentment for Rachel grew, so did my empathy for Toby. He struggled to care for his kids and deal with the trauma of their mom disappearing without explanation. However, as the show went on, I realized something more complicated was going on.
Rachel and Toby’s best friend, Libby is also going through a midlife crisis. Witnessing their sudden divorce put Libby in touch with her own pain and dissatisfaction with being a mother and wife. As the show continues, viewers learn that Toby is blind to his wife’s pain during their marriage. He minimized Rachel’s unhappiness until it was too late.
Now, I found myself feeling empathy not just for Toby but for Rachel and Libby as well.
At first, I was disappointed in myself for not picking up on Rachel’s midlife crisis earlier. I was so overcome with feeling sorry for Toby that I didn’t see the whole picture. Missing the clues about what Rachel was going through at the beginning of the series made me consider all the clues we miss with the women in our lives.
Fleishman Is In Trouble shines the light on the importance of understanding women’s midlife crisis and the expectations society puts on them.
While the female characters on the show are all successful professionals, they face immense pressure to conform to society’s expectations related to gender roles, appearance, and family responsibilities. Rachel, Toby’s ex-wife, is a popular talent agent, but she struggles to be the mother society wants her to be. Her own mother criticizes her for not being a “proper” mother, prioritizing her career over her children.
Samantha, one of Rachel’s friends, is a heralded surgeon who faces similar pressure to conform to gender roles. She is criticized for being “too ambitious” and a not good enough wife and mother, hiding her sexual orientation to avoid discrimination and judgment.
With stifling societal pressures like these, it’s no wonder that many women today struggle to balance their desire for personal fulfillment with their expectations.
Many women I know, clients and friends, often tell me they feel like something is missing.
They feel stuck in a routine of responsibilities and ongoing obligations. While grateful for their jobs, husbands, and children, they have lost their sense of purpose. These women often tell me that their lives look perfect from the outside but feel dead inside.
Society has traditionally responded very differently to women’s midlife crisis compared to men. Women in crisis are often stigmatized as being selfish or overly emotional. In contrast, men experiencing a midlife crisis are often seen as having a legitimate need to reassess their relationships, careers, and life’s purpose.
We must break the stigma and understand that women can experience a midlife crisis too.
Women are often expected to prioritize caregiving and family over personal growth or self-exploration. When a midlife crisis arises for a woman, she often struggles with little to no support or understanding. Conversely, men are often expected to prioritize their careers and financial success over personal growth, so their midlife crisis is more accepted. While this generalization doesn’t apply in all cases, it is a cultural dynamic we see often.
One of the women I mentor recently experienced a crisis that shifted her world.
Her husband had accepted a new job opportunity out of state, and she moved to support his career. While he was welcomed by his new company and was excited about his advanced position, she suddenly felt depressed and lost.
She tried to talk to her husband about her unhappiness, but he didn’t have the energy or focus on addressing the issue. He expected her to handle all the logistics of moving into a new house and getting their children adjusted to a new school. Because she felt unsupported and received no empathy from her husband, she stopped sharing her feelings with him.
Then, something happened that caused her husband to step up and change things.
She herniated her disc and was unable to get out of bed for a few weeks. Once this happened, her husband had to step up and take care of the millions of little things she was responsible for in their daily lives. It was difficult for her to “let” her husband take care of her and their household, but it was a time of healing and growth for them both.
Using my skill as a medical intuitive, I helped her make space for her body to heal.
During a mentoring session, we learned that she had suppressed her negative feelings for so long that her body had no choice but to create a physical condition in response. This way, she would finally have to address the wounded parts of herself that needed to be expressed. After healing her trapped emotions, she could connect with her inner strength, tap into her personal power, and recover from her physical and emotional injury.
Years ago, when I wrote the Beacons of Change Manifesto, I included the following phrases:
We resist being invisible.
We resist hiding in the back.
We resist staying small.
We embrace
our imperfections,
our failures,
& our humanness.
Let’s deepen the conversation and create a more supportive environment for women to feel seen, heard, and virtually hugged when they face a midlife crisis.
Give yourself permission to be human.
If you are unhappy inside, even if your life seems perfect from the outside, consider getting the professional support you deserve by working privately with me.
